


Didn't I Blow Your Mind This Time?

by Anonymous



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Kylo Ren has a really gnarly facial scar, M/M, Non-Consensual Mind Manipulation, Nonlinear Narrative, Post-TLJ, Rimming, Vertical 69, depression masturbation with extended fantasy, horrible horrible angst, severe injuries, some aliens take offense to that scarring and are very rude, tho you can pretend it's not as sad if you skip the Kylo part
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-25 00:08:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19734421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Armitage Hux (34, lonely, in denial) waits impatiently for the end of Ren's mission as he goes about his routines on theFinalizer, taking no pleasure from his job.Four more days. It's always four more days, and they have lasted a very long time.





	Didn't I Blow Your Mind This Time?

**Author's Note:**

> Anon-ed for the MCD, which is milked for maximum drama. Be advised - I didn't tag it for graphic depictions of violence, since the battle doesn't take place during the story, but both Kylo and Hux are pretty badly injured, including broken bones, dislocations, and severe infection. It's described, but mostly in terms of pain and being incapacitated and not super-graphic wounds. I also wrote this before TLJ came out, so Kylo Ren's facial scar is more severe - it's paralyzed the muscles and damaged his sight on that side of his face. Some aliens take offense to visible scarring and are vocal about it in a very insensitive way, in case that's an issue.
> 
> For a fun challenge, the angst can be skipped if you pass over the Kylo POV section and ignore the MCD. Then it's just kind of soft.

Hux jerked awake in bed, paralyzed, aching for breath. He’d had a dream. A bad dream. But not one he could remember. Panic coiled and tightened in his chest, along with the edge of an immense sadness that felt as if it would drown him, would carry him away if he stopped to examine it. He was on his back, eyes open but unable to see the ceiling through the darkness. He couldn’t move. For a moment, he couldn't breathe. Then he gasped and inhaled deeply, exhaled too fast.

Calm down. He had to calm down. It was a dream. It hadn’t felt like it. He counted his breaths. Five. Seven. Ten.

There. He could move. He rolled over and clamped his arm down on nothing but cold blankets. He frowned. Sometimes Kylo was there. He had to remember why he wasn’t right now. As he fought down his spinning thoughts and the pain in his chest, he vaguely remembered a mission, the details of which weren’t coming to him as he calmed his mind. Didn’t matter. Kylo wasn’t here. Not for the next four days.

Figures. The one time Hux would have taken solace in another person, Kylo wasn’t here. Kylo, who twitched and jerked and kicked as he dozed off, because he couldn’t help but be annoying even when unconscious. All those nights waking up overly hot and tangled in Kylo’s limbs, with Kylo’s bulk crushing him out of a deep sleep, and here was the perfect opportunity for Hux to return the favor. To seek comfort from him, to reach over and anchor himself in reality, to hold him without having to explain the bad dream, to press his bare chest against Kylo’s back until they were both sweaty and stuck together. He felt like he should object to the thought, that he should find it shameful, but with the terror still rattling around in his skull in the solitude of the room, there was nothing. He wanted Kylo.

It didn’t matter. Kylo wasn’t here, and the dream wasn’t real. He crushed the terror and the embarrassing need for comfort, and rolled onto his back again, mind calming enough to order his thoughts, eyes still staring blindly at the ceiling. Kylo had been gone for a week, maybe longer, and this wasn't the first nightmare Hux had suffered since he'd left. Kylo wouldn’t be much of a comfort if he had been in the bed - if Kylo was in Hux’s bed, he was too difficult to wake, and when he did wake up, he would say something scathing about Hux needing a security blanket - but his biting annoyance at being woken up was bracing. It would have grounded Hux in reality.

Instead of Kylo, there was the darkness, and the quiet ticking of the ventilation system activating, making the room even colder.

Hux took a deep breath, shaking the last of the lingering panic. He closed his eyes and rolled onto his side, away from where Kylo would lie, pulling more of the blanket around himself for good measure. His hand rubbed absently at a scar on his side. A large one. He decided to comfort himself by remembering how he survived it. Such a large wound, and he hadn’t thought about it in a long time, but before he could-

He was asleep.

* * *

  
Hux’s alarm shocked him to wakefulness hours later, an unwelcome surprise after his restless night. He always woke before it went off, so it took his jittery thoughts a moment to separate it from the emergency klaxons. But even as his mind tried to catch up, his body still remembered how to sit up, how to reach over and deactivate the alarm. He was also still rattled from the lingering effects of whatever had woken him in the night - he couldn’t remember - but rote habit allowed him to start his day as usual.

He didn’t really need presence of mind to begin his day, anyway. Everything happened automatically now. Some part of him was already jumping ahead to the course correction they’d need to arrange for ground training exercises, the adjustments to the Flametrooper program that he would review after that.

He reached for his datapad and activated it, the brightness of the screen almost intolerable in the total darkness of his bedroom. Squinting, he made notes for both meetings, his mind only half-interested. But he'd been worried about his memory lately, and had been trying to make more notes. The notes feel like failure, when everything used to stay in his head so well. But the failure was at least private, and not something another officer would notice. He allowed himself a lip twitch as he typed - he never looked at these notes later, could remember every note without referencing them. Still, something had been unsettling him lately, and making notes would help him keep track of any… issues, if they existed.

He thought about the rest of his schedule, and he closed his eyes in brief consternation when he recalled the meeting he’d been trying to forget. The diplomats from Kaleesh were coming aboard. Captain Depren had offered them the universe, but all they wanted was help with their bug problem - First Order assistance in eliminating the Huks, the giant insectoids that had invaded Kalee and attempted to enslave the native population. Again.

The Huks were a species that loved conquest and had the numbers to back it up, but were no real threat. The First Order had chased them out of systems before, and Hux himself had organized more than one successful ground campaign against them. The Huks were also rote, and Hux could solve the Kaleesh’s problem with little effort. He was one of the most famous military men in the galaxy, and he would be scheduling a fucking extermination exercise in the Tingel Arm with a Star Destroyer and a full complement of Troopers. He opened his eyes and deactivated his datapad, setting it aside. He lived to serve.

Plunged into complete darkness once again, he leaned forward and ran his fingers through his hair, something he would only ever allow himself in private. He needed to vent his frustrations now, because he would need all the self-restraint he could muster when talking to the Kaleesh, who were basically a primitive species. One of the reasons the Huks were winning was due to some ridiculous warrior code that meant the Kaleesh were fighting a species with the technology to invade and subjugate multiple systems with little more than wooden spears. The First Order couldn’t just sell them weapons and let them take care of their own problem, because that went against their cultural standards. Of course it did.

Kalee itself was the goal for these negotiations. The diplomat and resource officers reported that the planet was sparsely populated and very fertile, perfect for colonization and farming. Apparently, resource levels for the fleet were dropping to critical, near-famine levels, and they badly needed more colony worlds like Kalee. In exchange for throwing the Huks out, the Kaleesh had to be willing to allow the First Order colonies to thrive.

Coercion versus free will was an interesting thing. The Kaleesh were willing to let the First Order do exactly what the Huks were attempting, as long as other species were sent in to do the work and the Kaleesh were allowed to keep their tiny, sacred village enclaves.

Hux had read that the Kalee had an indigenous jarra fruit that was said to be one of the sweetest in the galaxy. Asking for one during the negotiations should throw the delegates off, if they seemed too confident or unwilling to give the First Order diplomats what they wanted.

Hux reached for his again datapad and made that note as well, berating himself for the pointlessness of it. He would remember it later, he remembered everything.

Well. Most things. He keyed in the command to bring the bedroom light to twenty percent, then looked over at the empty side of the bed. Where was Kylo again? Agamar? Bastion? Hux opened the list of active missions, then scowled, minimizing it and setting the pad aside again. It didn’t really matter, and looking it up was wasting more time than it was worth. Kylo took up enough of Hux’s time when he was present.

But even as he rose and performed his morning oral and shaving hygiene routine, pulling on his usual workout clothes, he couldn't banish the specter of Kylo. He told himself it was because he always used Kylo’s private facilities to exercise. It was hard not to think of Kylo when Hux was taking advantage of his absence like this. Not that he didn’t also use the facility when Kylo was here.

Hux paused before opening the main entrance to his quarters. He ran his fingers through his hair again, then scowled, neatening it in preparation for stepping out in public. He briefly considered going to the nearby Officer exercise facilities, then decided against it. He hadn’t needed to use public facilities in...

Years? Had it really been that long? Hux blinked, then opened the door, deciding that using Kylo’s facilities while he was gone was a reasonable way to spite him in his absence. Though Kylo had never been particularly bothered by Hux’s presence. Not really. Not ever.

Aside from that, Hux decided that his rank put him too far above the general officer facilities. A Grand Marshal shouldn’t have to use public facilities for anything. Solitude suited him.

Though, as he went through his standard jogging laps in Kylo’s facilities, Hux realized that there was no solitude to be had in Kylo’s space. Hux was infuriated that he couldn’t stop thinking of Kylo. Kylo was too lazy to get up early enough to ever come with Hux to do his basic routine, so it wasn’t as if Hux had a specific reason to be thinking about him. But the facilities were still unmistakably his, even without his physical presence. They smelled of him, in a stale and flat way, the way Kylo smelled of sweat and blood whenever he came back from here. Everything was also a complete mess - standard issue equipment laying about everywhere and poorly cared for, holes in the wall, pieces of training droids scattered underfoot and smashed to bits.

As Hux finished his laps, the soft sole of his shoe crushing some stray piece of broken tech, he decided it was impossible _not_ to think of Kylo, surrounded by his chaos, when everything else on board the ship was so orderly. He hadn’t brought his datapad with him, but Hux resolved to send a droid to clean the facilities while Kylo was still away on his mission. Kylo would hate having his things interfered with like that, but he would make another mess soon enough.

Hux moved on to his routine punching and kicking exercises. It used to be an important part of his day - he’d used the exercises to work through the rage and frustrations that had come with his position through the years, in all its various forms and stations. But as Hux attempted to summon that enthusiasm again, tried to find something to be angry about, he discovered once again that his old rage had left him with age. He tried to shift his mind back to the meetings he was attending that day, but still couldn't concentrate on them, his thoughts sliding away again and again. It was easier to think of nothing.

His lack of focus, like the note-taking and falling into such routine, should be shameful, but it was difficult for him to care about motivation anymore. Nothing much had changed about his life since Starkiller and the near-complete decimation of the fleet after that. They’d moved slowly since then, biding their time, rebuilding their resources. There were victories and defeats. The realities of galactic order had been slow, methodical planning. He’d approached it with his old zeal at first, but it was hard to be excited about yet another bug extermination, hunting down more pirates, or the delicate balance of diplomatic negotiations and how his army factored into them. Even the threat of famine very nearly didn’t get him out of bed anymore.

It was all so much the same.

The alarm signaling the end of his workout hour sounded, interrupting Hux’s bitter ruminations. He helped himself to Kylo’s refresher, denying himself the water function after the indulgence of his hour-long pout session.

He was in and out of the ‘fresher in minutes, allowing himself a brief examination of his body in the full-length mirror before putting on his uniform. He’d never thought himself much to look at, and that hadn’t changed over the years, though the scars he’d earned had. Kylo’s scars were more interesting, but Hux’s duties had been occasionally dangerous. He’d once been shot in the shoulder with a blaster while on an early surface-level command, and had taken a vibroblade through his thigh under similar circumstances. He fingered a large blaster scar on his side, nearly a crater, almost identical to the injury that Kylo had earned on Starkiller. That injury had very nearly killed Hux, but… he ran a finger around the edge, trying to remember just what had happened-

Instead, he smirked at himself, raising his other arm to touch a light bite mark high on his bicep, near his shoulder. Kylo, of course. He had a few more bite scars, as Kylo had never been a gentle, easygoing lover. Possessive, needy. He had another on his opposite shoulder, another on his hip, and a messy scar on the inside of his thigh. The bite marks were another good reason Hux could never use public facilities again.

He frowned as he realized that the rest of his marks had faded completely. Kylo impulsively chewed him up whenever they were together, marking him with bruises and bites wherever Hux would allow it. They were usually worse while Kylo was on a mission, as he always insisted on giving Hux more as souvenirs before he left. Perhaps he’d been gone longer than Hux had realized.  
  
Without them, Hux noticed how pale his skin was. Far too pale, and it had been too long since he’d been planetside. Kylo always made jokes when he was aboard ship for too long, that Hux would bleed from his pores if he ever stepped foot on a planet again (and really, the bleeding had only happened once). Kylo used to joke that Starkiller was Hux’s attempt to eliminate planetside life, either by eliminating the suns or the planets themselves. It was childish, but it was true that Hux probably needed to get out more, especially if he was growing more negative about his duties. Perhaps it was time for planetside leave, once Kylo returned from his mission.

Disgusted by his continued self-introspection, Hux finally pulled his uniform on, another rote activity. It took him only a moment to fasten his collar, pull his greatcoat over his shoulders, make sure his boots were presentable and his hair in order under his command cap. When he looked at himself in the mirror again, he saw only the Grand Marshal, who would complete any task set before him, and would complete it well.

The uniform was the last of the supply he kept in Kylo’s facilities, so he made a mental note to add that to the task list on his datapad, back in his own quarters. He always went back to his own quarters just before the start of his shift, which was another waste of time. He would only have to bring his datapad with him to Kylo’s facilities to avoid it entirely.

Still, the walk back to his quarters was good practice for the rest of his day. It was a reminder of how he was presenting himself to the crew, who made way as he passed, saluting sharply, Hux barely glancing at them in acknowledgement. It had been a pleasure, once, to see more and more of the crew making way as he rose in rank, but he barely noticed anymore. His presentation, while it was a comfort that it wasn’t lapsing even on a day as bad as this one, was also rote. He found that wearing his uniform was enough to make him a Grand Marshal, to himself and everyone else.

It was very near the start of the first shift now, and the hallways were crowded with the change. Hux made more of an effort than usual, nodding at those that were high enough in rank to greet him, holding his head high, leaving his greatcoat on his shoulders, using the privilege of his rank to clear out the transport he needed to take.

When he got to his quarters, he still only turned the lights up to ten percent, another old habit that he didn’t need when Kylo wasn’t around. He didn’t need it when Kylo was here, either - it was always infuriating to see Kylo still abed this close to the beginning of the shift, and Hux shouldn't bother with the courtesy of the dim lighting, feigned as it was. As he grabbed his datapad off the table next to the bed, he could almost see Kylo sprawled out across the mattress, naked, his dark hair fanned out across the pillow, one pale arm thrown over his face, the one-eyed glare he sometimes managed if he was awake enough to be “disturbed” by Hux’s intrusion.  
  
If Kylo were here, Hux would climb over the bed to get to his datapad on the other side. He had to do it differently each time - Kylo was too good at blocking an elbow or boot if he knew it was coming, even half-asleep. Kylo would try to throw him out of the bed, but Hux could roll out himself, grabbing the datapad and leaving the room to a chorus of Kylo’s cursing. On his way out, Hux would often order the lights up to one hundred percent, then send a maintenance droid up two hours later. Kylo was so lazy that he’d use the Force to shatter the illumination system rather than getting up to turn the lights off himself, or keeping tech near the bed that could do it.

Hux stared at the empty bed a moment longer than necessary, scowling. All of that was a waste of time. He left the lighting at ten percent, losing himself in his datapad as he pulled up overnight comms and began dealing with the small issues of the day.

As he made his way through the hallways and transports to the Trooper facilities, he remembered to put in the order to send five more of his uniforms to Kylo’s exercise facilities.

Hux paused for a moment, hand hovering above the screen. It was one of those moments where he felt like he was forgetting something, that there was another note he needed to make for himself. But he hadn’t really rehearsed any of his meetings, and that was the only important thing on his schedule, so he closed his notes and pulled up his schedule again, sending a comm ahead so his tea and breakfast would be ready when he wanted to pick them up on his way to the first meeting.

* * *

  
_“Grand Marshal, you can scowl at me all you like, but the pride of the Teyfa people will not be cowed, and I am not intimidated by your army.”_

_The muscles in Hux’s jaw flexed. “You should be intimidated, Counselor Net. There are currently three Star Destroyers orbiting your planet prepared to use their turbolaser batteries to incinerate every village your people have built. We have an army standing by that is twice the size of your sentient population. But we are offering you a very fair deal. You can let us into your mines, and we will establish medical facilities on your planet and promote interstellar trade for your resources. You will be paid for this.” Hux paused, fighting to keep his voice level and reasonable. “Or you can have nothing, and I will send every transport I have planetside, we will cordon off any mines we want, and we will simply take it.”_

_The tentacles around the mouth of the Counselor shifted, and the alien blinked all three eyes rapidly before answering. “We will not be tempted with outside prosperity. We will not allow our culture to be corrupted by your organization.”_  
  
_Hux leaned forward and shifted his gaze to the tall, gray, tentacle-less being sitting next to Counselor Net. The Teyfa delegation was composed of four dissimilar species, all wearing identically-cut long silk tunics in bold colors. The tentacle-mouth Counselor wore teal, and the gray Counselor wore deep violet. “Counselor Bati,” he began, in the same reasonable tone. “Your regions have recently suffered devastating losses due to a plague you could not cure. Can you not persuade Counselor Net and Counselor Hatang to allow the advantages we are offering you?”_

_The Counselor made a hand gesture that Hux could not interpret. “You are not offering a choice, Grand Marshal Hux. You are telling us what to do. Our culture does not respect such coercion.”_

_“You’d rather watch your people die than accept our help, in exchange for mineral resources that are useless to you and located thousands of miles from your populated areas? None of your sentient population would know we were there. Our activities would not affect any of your cultures, aside from healing your sick. This is an excellent bargain.”_

_All four nodded. One, with a long neck, protruding eye-sockets, and a brown tunic spoke up. “We would rather die than be dishonored. It is dishonor to force an unwanted bargain on another, and a dishonor to accept.”_

_Hux leaned back in his seat again, disappointed. “You will die, Counselors. The wholesale slaughter of cultures that cannot defend themselves is not something we enjoy doing, but we can and will do it when necessary. We need your resources, and it costs you nothing to give them to us. This meeting is to allow you to save face. Leave here, and tell your people that you asked for these things, that we negotiated and you got the better of us. From your perspective, you are. Those rocks and the land they are on is uninhabitable, and they mean nothing to you. However, all of your people badly need the medical tech we are offering in exchange.”_

_The four blinked slowly at him, and were silent. Hux looked over at Captain Yuwo, one of their top diplomatic officers and the head of the negotiations at Teyfa. Yuwo shook her head, and Hux stifled his urge to sigh. He wasn’t skilled at negotiation, but he was always brought in as a last resort in situations like this, where the native population refused to negotiate. Hux’s role was to make the threat of invasion real. For the most part, his less-than-delicate description of the businesslike slaughter he was about to order on the planets was enough to sway leaders to their side, especially since their terms were always fair._

_Sometimes, it wasn’t enough. He used to try harder, make more of a show of what he could do. He used to have speeches about exactly what would happen to their planet if they opposed the First Order. Now, he didn’t have it in him to even be angry at these four. A year, two years ago, a delegation this unwilling to agree to such an advantageous relationship would have infuriated him. He would have held them prisoner here as he took their planet, then had other prisoners brought aboard to describe the planetside carnage to these four._

_Now, he regretted he couldn’t make them see reason. He couldn’t let them go, he’d have to have them executed, and then he would have to invade. These four cultures were all peaceful, and likely wouldn’t fight back. That helped, because it meant they wouldn’t have to kill many, they would only need to imprison dissenters. They would probably give them the medical tech anyway, because he’d grown soft._

_But before he could give the order to take the Counselors into custody, the door slid open and Supreme Leader Kylo Ren entered. He was dressed as he always was, of course, in his scuffed cape and filthy clothing, his hair unkempt. Becoming the Supreme Leader hadn’t changed his habits at all. Kylo still had Hux doing most of his administrative work and carry out orders in his name. Hux had begged him to look more presentable. Kylo, of course, had no interest._

_Hux raised his eyebrows and clasped his hands on the tabletop as Kylo approached and leaned in next to him, hand on the back of Hux’s chair._

_He spoke quietly, but loud enough for the Teyfa to hear._ _“Have the Teyfa delegation agreed to the terms?”_

_“It’s an honor to be graced with your presence today, Supreme Leader,” Hux began, in the same polite tone he’d used on the Teyfa. He looked up to Kylo, a neutral expression on his face. Hux had asked him to be present for the negotiations, to give them more weight. Kylo hated these, and had probably taken longer than strictly necessary while leading the TIE maneuvers they were working on this morning. Hux was surprised that Kylo had bothered to come at all._

_“No, the Teyfa claim we are coercing them, and would rather watch everyone on the planet die than share their resources in a fair trade. I was just about to oblige them.” Hux gestured to the delegates with a hand, turning to look at them. He could not read their features, but he saw them shift as Kylo also turned to glare at them._

_Counselor Net shifted abruptly backwards and made a sucking noise through its tentacles. “Is this human…” the alien trailed off, then said something in its own language, turning to have a rapid conversation with the other delegates. They all seemed agitated and excited by something. Hux glanced at Yuwo, who wasn’t looking at him._

_After a moment, Counselor Net turned and spoke to the silver protocol droid they had standing by. The droid’s voice rang out, flat and emotionless, as it translated the question._

_“The Teyfa people abhor violence and injury, and believe any evidence of it is highly inappropriate. They want to know why you have made them look at the Supreme Leader’s scars.”_

_Hux took a moment to process this, not sure that he had heard correctly. When he realized that, yes, the delegates had just asked about Kylo’s face, he turned toward Kylo, who turned to meet his gaze._

_The duel he’d fought just before Starkiller’s implosion had left him with a lightsaber burn cutting diagonally across his face and down his neck. It was wide, the flesh of the scar itself still pink and shiny, having not healed well. The flesh around it was gray and deadened, the muscles on that side of his face paralyzed. His eye had been blinded, and the side of his mouth pulled down._

_Hux shared a shocked stare with him, then turned to look at Captain Yuwo again. She looked distinctly uncomfortable, and avoided looking at Kylo._

_Hux turned back to the Teyfa delegates, dropping his hands into his lap and leaning forward, tone icier now. “The Supreme Leader is a decorated warrior who took a wound in battle defending a First Order facility.”_

_Kylo straightened next to him and turned more fully toward the Teyfa, crossing his arms over his chest. Hux glanced up briefly and couldn’t see the other side of his face, but he guessed he was scowling._

_The fourth Counselor stood, shouting something emphatically in their native language. Counselor Hatang nearly shouted over them in Basic. “You dishonor us in this way? Insult our people?”_

_Hux frowned, surprised by their vehemence. They were an isolated culture, but certainly they’d seen the occasional intergalactic guests, smugglers and the like._

_Also, Hux couldn’t quite believe they were doing this. “What?”_

_Another one of the Counselors stood, gripping the table with their long, double-jointed fingers. “The permanently injured are not meant to appear in public! How dare you!”_

_Hux stood up. “You will not disrespect the Supreme Leader in that way.” The order was sharp, loud. He clenched his fists at his sides. “I’ve heard enough of this.” He slid the pad across the table. “Sign this. Immediately.”_

_He felt Kylo’s hand on his shoulder. He didn’t look over, offering his coldest, most commanding glare to the Teyfa._

_One of the Counselors made a sound that Hux didn’t recognize. “This disfigured human holds power in your organization?”_

_“Enough,” Hux barked. “Sign it, or I will kill you where you stand and erase any trace of biological life on the surface of Teyfa.”_

_“Grand Marshal,” Kylo leaned in, close to his ear, so only Hux could hear. “I don’t care. It’s fine.” When Hux didn’t respond or look at him, he continued. “Imagine what they would have said about Snoke.”_

_The levity didn’t sway Hux. Once, Kylo would have cared. Once he had always worn his helmet to cover his face, to make him into the monster he was trying to be, but now the fires of his rage had been quenched. Failure had changed his expectations, as it had changed Hux’s. Kylo truly didn’t care about his face, and only wore his helmet into combat. Hux was being irrational. But he couldn’t stop._

_He jerked away from Kylo’s hand on his shoulder, and turned his fury on Kylo. “It is not fine. I will not have you, the Supreme Leader of the First Order, disrespected like that. Especially not by these,” he gestured, not looking at the Teyfa, “Who need our help to wipe their own asses and don’t know it.”_

_“Grand Marshal,” Captain Yuwo said in a shocked tone. Hux turned to glare at her for a moment. She still wasn’t looking at Kylo._

_“Grand Marshal.” Counselor Net, clearly the most powerful of the four, stood up. “We will sign nothing. See us back to the surface, and do as you will.”_

_“No.” Hux leaned forward over the conference table, locking his hands behind his back. He could feel his face going red. He should stop. A part of him knew this wasn’t worth it. But he couldn’t. He was losing control now, but the Teyfa deserved it. “You will not see the surface of your planet again. Tell me why I shouldn’t kill you now and tell your followers that you agreed to my terms.”_

_One of them made a noise. “They would not believe you without the words and ceremonies.”_

_Hux took a step back. “Supreme Leader.”_

_“Grand Marshal.” Hux didn’t look at Kylo, but watched from the corner of his eye as Kylo stretched his arm out, palm open. The four Counselors disappeared abruptly from Hux’s view. Hux walked slowly around the length of the table, allowing his boots to ring out loudly against the floor. When he rounded the corner, he was glaring down, and was greeted with all four on their knees. The one with short legs without knee joints was laying face-down._

_Hux leaned over the group. “You will not sign. You throw our kindness and our aid back into our faces. You disrespect the leaders of the First Order while under our hospitality and protection.” Hux straightened his back, looking over at Kylo, who was staring at him, a neutral look on his face, hand still outstretched. Hux turned back to the Teyfa._

_“You have made my job easier. We will not waste resources killing the beings on your planet.” At this, the four seemed to deflate. “The Supreme Leader will extract from your minds what the citizens need to hear to comply with our requests, to believe that you have agreed and will be staying with us here to direct operations.” He turned to Kylo, then back to them. “Then I will have the pleasure of executing you as traitors.”_

_Kylo didn’t especially enjoy using his powers to torture and coerce information from the minds of weaker beings, and Hux no longer asked it of him. But he was angry, and he wanted to make these four suffer. Without turning to look at Kylo or Captain Yuwo, he walked past the kneeling and prostrate Teyfa and left the conference room. He knew Kylo would do it, because Hux was angry, and because Hux had ordered it. And he knew Kylo would find him later. Hux would shoot the delegates, and he would feel nothing, and he and Kylo would not speak of it._

* * *

The meeting with the Kaleesh was long, but far from the most difficult negotiation that Hux had participated in. The Kaleesh had been desperate to get the bugs off their planet, and weren’t using the resources that the Order was interested in.

Easy. Everything was so easy now.

Hux had very nearly volunteered Kylo’s fighting prowess to the Kaleesh representatives. Mostly to annoy Kylo, but partially as petty revenge - these kinds of negotiations were specifically the Supreme Leader's duty now, Hux had only met with the Kaleesh because Kylo was away on a mission. But just as Hux had opened his mouth to suggest Kylo's participation, he realized he’d completely forgotten just what date Kylo was expected back.

It was unlike Hux, and the slip haunted him through the rest of the negotiation.

The more they had discussed strategy in the meeting though, the more Hux had believed it would be a duty Kylo would actually enjoy. It would only take Kylo and a few units of Flametroopers to wipe all the bugs out of the Kalee jungles. And Kylo was the perfect face to show the Kaleesh - they were a warrior culture who respected combat skill, and they placed some sort of significance on masks, so Kylo could wear his helmet. They would have loved his barbaric combat skills and his lightsaber.

Had Kylo been there, he could have used his powers and told the Kaleesh whatever they wanted to hear, and the negotiations would have been short. But with him gone, they’d still done well for themselves. The meeting ended with a loan of several dozen Flametroopers in exchange for enough farming resources to supply two Star Destroyer for an entire year. It was an astonishingly good deal, and the meeting had ended with the Kaleesh believing that Hux was the Order's greatest warrior. Hux would coordinate the ground activity, so in a way, he supposed it was true.

He left the meeting once again disappointed that everything was coming so easily to him. When he had Starkiller, he’d been far more driven, felt more challenged. Now he was the Grand Marshal, and ran everything just as well as the Supreme Leader, if not better. There were problems, shortages… they’d lost so much after Starkiller, they’d failed, and it still felt like they were trying to catch up. More ships, enough bodies, food to feed everyone… and still acquiring former Republic territories.

But meetings like this were still amusing. The Kaleesh had been so thankful for their assistance, and he’d been flattered that they had believed him to be someone like Kylo.

He should be trying to develop a new Starkiller, to gather the materials and resources for it. But there wasn’t anyone but himself to head that project - Hux didn’t trust anyone else - and he was so busy just keeping the Order running. Besides, they didn’t have a target for the weapon. They’d yet to locate the new Resistance headquarters. Finding it should be Kylo’s objective, but really… Hux knew Kylo didn’t want to go after his family again. Not really. Hux should push him harder about that, but.

Once the meeting ended, Hux decided to take a meal in the public officer mess. He’d had a creeping feeling of isolation all day that he couldn't explain - he was surrounded by tens of thousands of people constantly, doing the same things he'd always done. He'd just come from a meeting with over a dozen people. He was brushing past so many petty officers in the halls, even now. Feeling alone wasn't something that happened to him.

But after he'd chosen a standard ration and seated himself in the mess (at a table by himself, naturally), he found that he had no appetite. The ration itself was plain but acceptable - a processed pressed meat cake and vegetable mash covered in gravy. Normally he wasn't picky about food, but today, he couldn't bring himself to eat.

The bland meal made Hux remember the jarra fruit, and how he hadn’t had an opportunity to ask for one during the negotiations. He considered putting in an order for some anyway. He could find some sort of dessert to make for Kylo when he returned. Kylo had a sweet tooth and wasn't ashamed of it, despite Hux's admonishments. Kylo could eat an alarming amount of sweet snacks when given the chance. Currently, he was probably eating miserably on his mission. He never ate much while away from the ship, which Hux always told him was dangerous. He would eat like a bantha once he got back, though.

Hux chastised himself for picking at his food, then forced down the meat cake to set a good example. The semi-solid state of the meal indicated that the _Finalizer_ was getting to the end of the rations. It would be nice when they began to harvest the produce from Kalee. It would improve the quality of life aboard the ship, and might actually make meals pleasurable. Hux supposed he never ate much of anything when Kylo was away, either.

While Hux was considering whether to scrape the remains of the gravy off the plate and attempt the root vegetables, he was greeted by a somber-looking Captain Peavey.

“Grand Marshal.”

Hux glanced around. Normally Peavey refused to acknowledge him unless it was absolutely necessary, but it appeared the Grand Marshal's table was being given a wide berth by the lower-ranked officers, and there were few places to sit in the busy hall. Of course Peavey wouldn’t speak to him unless he had to. Hux tensed and nodded back a simple greeting as Peavey sat and began pressing his own meat patty into small pieces.

“The meeting went well?” Peavey asked into the silence, as Hux debated whether to make conversation or leave. Peavey was captain of the _Finalizer_ , and was generally aware of the command meetings aboard, even when he didn't participate. Hux relaxed, deciding to stay a few minutes longer for idle, if pointless, conversation.

“It did. We’re using a few dozen Flametroopers, and getting enough land to produce food that should solve the ration issues.”

“Yes. We are reaching the end of our resources.” Peavey pressed his fork into his meat patty for emphasis, frowning, then glanced up at Hux. “But only a few dozen Flametroopers for the action on Kalee?”

Hux raised his eyebrows. Peavey was getting on in years, and normally kept his peace. It was unlike him to suggest strategy unprompted, though he was an active duty Captain. “They’re bugs. We probably don’t even need Flametroopers to displace them, but they’re currently entrenched in the jungles.”

Peavey’s hand stilled, and he studied Hux with a neutral expression that grew uncomfortable after a moment. “We’ve been surprised by the Huks before.”

This had a note of truth to it, but Hux attempted to brush aside his unease, rolling his eyes and leaning back in his seat. “Not under these circumstances, and never this badly.” He glanced back down at his plate, noting he was fidgeting, but unable to stop himself from picking up his fork and pushing the remnants of the gravy around. “But if you like, you’re welcome to lead the maneuver yourself. You can use as many Troopers as you like, they don’t see nearly enough action anymore. The Kaleesh were happy with the minimum, however.”

It was a generous offer. Hux was normally stingy when assigning commands like this, but it would be so easy, and it was true that their ship mostly didn’t see any action anymore. Peavey could handle it easily.

Peavey nodded in acknowledgement, picking up his fork and taking another bite of the meat. “Understood, Grand Marshal. I’ll investigate the situation and report back with my assessment.” Peavey took several more bites, and Hux watched him, wondering why he was bothering to stay here with Peavey longer than he had to. He seemed unable to get up and leave.

After a moment, Peavey glanced back up, and began to speak again. “If I may, this situation is very similar to when-”

“It’s unlike you to be unsure of such primitives, Captain,” Hux cut him off. “But you can take as many bodies as you need. No need to clear it with me. I consider the matter taken care of.”

Peavey blinked for a moment, then nodded in acknowledgement, his eyes dropping back to his ration. Hux watched him take one more bite, and a comment was out of his mouth before he could stop it. It was a messy thought, and Hux souldn’t have said it, especially not to Peavey. He blamed it on the strange mood he was in.

“A shame the Supreme Leader’s out. I think the Kaleesh would have gotten on with him.”

His head jerked up suddenly, a strange look on his face. “Sir?”

“Not that you aren’t just as capable, Captain.” Hux inclined his head. “But they seem to value his kind of showmanship and ostentation. They would love his lightsaber.” Hux stood abruptly. Peavey’s expression had turned wary, and he was glancing around. Suddenly, Hux was struck with a powerful urge to leave, immediately. But he kept talking.

“But perhaps the Supreme Leader will be available once he returns. I think the mission would be a good fit for him. Even his poor negotiating skills would likely work on them, if he gives them enough of a show.”

Peavey shook his head once and opened his mouth, expression confused, but Hux was finally able to force himself to stop talking, and all but fled the table, even leaving his leftover ration and utensils behind, an egregious breach of etiquette. He couldn’t bear to be there another second.

As he walked double-time away from Peavey and the mess with no particular destination in mind, he wondered why he had been so alarmed suddenly. It was just Peavey, and they’d only been talking about an upcoming mission. He dismissed it, deciding that the pressed meat had likely disagreed with him. He’d felt suddenly sick, though the feeling was receding now. All the same, he changed his destination to a private ‘fresher, deciding that cold water might calm him down.

On the way, he chastised himself for taking a meal in public. That was exactly why he didn’t. But. He’d just been so lonely lately.

* * *

  
_Hux was on the bed, leaning against the wall, his legs stretched out on the uncovered, stained mattress. It was a leisurely pose, one he had adopted when he felt the ghost pressure of fingers along his body. Probing, checking, verifying reality, if that kind of touch could be said to be real. It was real enough for Hux, and it had always been Kylo’s reality._

_This position held more dignity than the defensive crouch he’d adopted in this cell, for a period of time that was blurred by pain and fear. Dignity was something Hux craved, especially after having it stripped unceremoniously from him. He closed his eyes as he felt the pressure of the phantom touch increase. He’d know Kylo’s regard anywhere, his invisible Force - it was a messy thing, and felt nothing like his big, calloused hands on his skin. Hux dismissed the thought immediately. Inappropriate. Just. No._

_The touch now was gentle, seeking. It was the memory of pressure, more than it was an actual touch. Hux didn’t think he could stand to be touched, but this was indeed a comfort. The touch wasn’t anything intentional - it was what he felt sometimes when Kylo came back to the ship, how Hux could tell he was near. Occasionally it was more, heavier when they were close, especially when they were having sex. When they were close, sometimes Hux felt like he was doing it to Kylo, too._

_As the minutes passed, the pressure increased, which it almost never did. Hux’s skin was crawling hard with the sensation as time passed, growing almost painful, an invisible swarm of insects buzzing over every inch of him. Hux closed his eyes, telling himself to bear it a moment longer, promising himself things would be better when he opened his eyes again. The touch was nearly unbearable by the time Hux heard the lightsaber blade thrust through the door of his cell and slowly, so slowly, carve it open. When the remnants of the door fell inside with a dull thud against the floor, Hux opened his eyes to the sight of Kylo Ren, the burned remnants of the thick ferrosteel glowing around him, framing him in all his masked, nightmarish glory. He smelled like death and dirt and sweat, though Hux probably smelled rankly of the same, after the days he’d spent imprisoned. Hux’s gaze darted to Kylo’s thigh, where he’d been shot. Kylo hardly seemed to notice. Hux looked back to the helmet._

_Kylo’s mask did them the favor of hiding Kylo’s expression in the moment, and Hux’s swollen features did the same. Hux knew he looked terrible - the negotiations had been a trap, and when Hux had come planetside with the diplomats and a unit of Stormtroopers, their entire party had been killed and Hux had been taken prisoner, interrogated and presumably ransomed as the Order's youngest general, whose recent promotion had been broadcast to the entirety of the Unknown Regions. He had fought, and they had broken his arm and several of his ribs. When he hadn’t answered their questions with anything but insults, they’d also broken his jaw. One of his eyes was swollen shut, and he was probably a mess of bruises, though his cell did not have a mirror. He had used his tunic, patiently ripping at the seams, to bind his broken arm to his body and his jaw closed. His undershirt was riddled with brown stains, possibly from the scalp wound he seemed to have taken. Those always looked worse than they were, but it certainly wouldn’t help his appearance now._

_Though he was in an immense amount of pain, it was a relief not to have to worry about his self-control, or have to hide the giddy relief that washed through him, causing a shudder and exacerbating his injuries._

_Had he the power to speak after his beating, he likely would have whined to his captors about this exact scenario, that Kylo Ren would come for him and kill them all, and he would have lost his dignity doing it. The broken jaw was a blessing in disguise, even if no one would have lived to speak of his weakness._

_In the worst moments of pain, he told himself that he was worth losing, that it was safer to leave him here to die, that he wasn’t worth the resources to retrieve. But hope was all he had, and he knew Kylo would come for him._

_His inability to speak continued to serve him well. He said nothing to Kylo, sliding off the bed and walking across the small, filthy cell to stare into the helmet. He wouldn’t have known what to say. Gratitude and relief would have seemed insignificant in the moment, and would not have conveyed what he was feeling. He saw Kylo’s free hand jerk, the lightsaber deactivate._

_Hux shook his head, causing pain to shoot through the aching, clenched muscles of his jaw. And he walked past Kylo Ren and into the hallway, the Knight following him like a shadow._

_He never went planetside without the Knight again._

* * *

As smooth as the Kaleesh negotiations had been - he was always thankful when they were easy - Hux remained restless the rest of the day. It was a small enough thing to hide from others, but he remained unable to really concentrate on the routine tasks of the day. Reallocating Trooper resources, adjustments in the training schedules, duty rotations, where and when to schedule the next planetside training exercises.

It wasn’t temper or anger, merely indifference, which somehow made it worse. He did the same things every day, and had for years, but somehow today the ease of it had gotten under his skin. He thought of the wasted half-ration, and tried to rationalize his mood with hunger, though the idea of eating was still unappealing.

Rather than do a poor job on the bridge, Hux retired to his office to evaluate teaching candidates for the training program. He thought it would settle him - looking forward in the Trooper program always gave him a sense of purpose, and the teaching candidates improved greatly every year.

But even that didn’t lift his mood. He approved departmental recommendations without looking at them until the exact end of his shift, and retired early to his quarters. There was always business to attend to, and spending no more than a full shift working was absurd. It was unlike him.

But. Perhaps he was ill, and needed the rest.

His quarters were just as dreary as his office, and had even less to keep him occupied. He could work out again, since he had free time. He could watch holodramas. He could read. Instead, he put away his greatcoat, hat, and gloves, and went to the liquor cabinet to retrieve a bottle of sweet fruit liquor. He held it up and studied the label. It wasn’t a good idea to drink on an empty stomach, and this liquor was more to Kylo’s taste, too sweet for Hux. He reluctantly put it down, but continued to stare at it, thinking of returning to Kylo’s facilities to work out again. Perhaps he just needed to physically exhaust himself and start again tomorrow.

But the thought of going to Kylo’s private area was more profoundly unappealing than anything. So, because no one was around to see, and Hux was willing to admit to a moment of weakness in the privacy of his own quarters, he sat down on the floor in his grand marshal’s uniform, pulled his knees to his chest, and rested his forehead against them.

Fuck.

He never had moods like this. It wasn’t very _professional_ , and it was easier just to do his damn job, the job he’d been doing his entire life. He’d worked so hard to get here, with sweat and blood and death, and he’d done so many things, made so many sacrifices. He shouldn’t be curled on the floor of his quarters, one of the only private quarters on the ship, cowering like a child. They’d soon be busy again, they’d soon have enough resources. He and Kylo controlled the Order now, and it was what Hux had always wanted. It only felt pointless right now because Kylo wasn’t here, with his infuriating habits making Hux’s life more interesting. He needed a fucking hobby, if he was going to get like this.

He laid down on his back and stared at the ceiling, dim in the 40% standard lighting. He had a hobby, stars help him, it was the terrible holodramas. He’d started on those after they’d begun shuffling around the galaxy to rebuild. They’d recently authorized an upload of thirty years of Republican holodramas that had been previously forbidden to the First Order population, and the officers hadn't talk about anything else, of course. Hux eventually began watching the ones he had to hear about the most - the one about the colony that was stranded and isolated and had to make due on a hostile world, the silly Clone War series full of romances and Troopers Doing The Right Thing and officers who interfered.

Hux started watching them to stay abreast of First Order culture, but that excuse only held for a few months as he continued to consume episode after episode of the Republican series. When those ran out, he began following similar dramas produced in First Order space. Kylo was merciless about these, and Hux tended to ignore the fact that Kylo sat behind him as he watched, criticizing every character, asking Hux what he thought when the trooper murdered the tyrannical superior officer, whether Hux believed the new couple or the old was better.

Watching them now, alone, was... not going to happen.

Hux rolled to his side, disgusted, facing away from the entrance to his quarters. Kylo would return in four more days, and Hux was wallowing like a fool. He should just watch the fucking dramas. He’d have the pleasure of watching Kylo pout over missing the episodes.

This kind of melancholy was entirely unlike Hux. He was not _dependent_ , and certainly not on Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. It was annoying to be thinking of him this much. But.

Hux was facing the couch, and closed his eyes. He could picture Kylo walking into the quarters after doing essentially nothing all day. Certainly not any of the Supreme Leader duties, not really. He would probably be wearing that awful patched-together helmet and his filthy clothes, just to annoy Hux. He’d pull off the helmet an drop it on the floor, in the place by the entrance where the floor was pitted and dented from the number of times his helmet had been carelessly discarded. He loved acting like these were his quarters too. Technically, they weren't, but only so Hux could continue to complain and maintain superiority. Hux would make a face, grunt in disapproval, and Kylo would ask him what had crawled up his ass and died, like nothing had changed between them in all the years they’d known each other.

It was Kylo’s way of asking him what was wrong. Hux opened his eyes and looked at the empty blue couch from his place on the floor, where he would normally be sitting. He closed his eyes again.

Nothing. Nothing was wrong.

Kylo would ask if the great Grand Marshal of the First Order was bored. If Armitage Hux, the one who gave the order to destroy the New Republic, the great tactician, Snoke’s showman, was _unsatisfied_ with his glorious life. Kylo would have a particular look on his face, the one that let Hux know he was mocking him, though the expression was a little lopsided now because of the scar.

Hux would tell him to fuck off, that he was only bored of doing Kylo’s Supreme Leader paperwork, that Kylo needed to go find his own quarters. Hux would be holding a datapad, and would probably turn back to it, pretending to scroll through it. He’d tell Kylo he was finding something new to read. Hux would say he was looking for some history, or material from a system they were preparing to approach. And Kylo would see right through him, because Hux was not a browser, and he always knew exactly what he was doing with his time. He didn’t waste it scrolling through his datapad on the couch.

They both knew what it meant when Hux was wasting time. The equivalent for Kylo was when Hux had to go fetch him from his exercise facilities after he’d spent hours trying to exhaust himself with his lightsaber drills. That had happened a lot at first, after Starkiller and Crait, to both of them. It didn’t happen very often anymore. Only sometimes.

And Hux knew what Kylo did when Hux was wasting time. Kylo would walk across the room, step behind the sofa, and cup his chin, tipping his head back. He’d tell Hux that if he was bored, the datapad wasn’t going to entertain him. That Hux needed to break up with it and find something new.

Hux would narrow his eyes, and reach up to twine his fingers through Kylo’s hair. Kylo would have at least showered recently, so his hair would be soft, his scalp warm. Hux would ask what was better than a datapad, and order Kylo to entertain him, if he thought he could do any better.

Hux left his eyes closed, but rolled over on his stomach, pushing himself up on his knees, putting one arm under his head and resting his forehead against it, reaching down with the other, underneath his tunic to the buttons of his trousers.

He needed to do this and get it over with. He usually avoided masturbating when Kylo was gone, because waiting always made his return better. But Hux knew he’d feel better after, and probably more relaxed. And perhaps Kylo would stop haunting him, and he could get all this depressing garbage out of the way. Besides, there were four more days before Kylo came back, which was too long if Hux was like this now.

* * *

_Kylo smiled, wider on the unmarred side of his face than the other. He bent down to take Hux’s earlobe in his mouth. Hux could smell how clean he was, the industrial freshness of the standard issue shampoo in his hair._

_“I’ve always known you liked the datapad better than me.”_

_Hux’s hand slid to the back of Kylo’s neck. “The datapad does all the work I order it to. And it has pornography.”_

_Kylo’s free hand strayed down to the belt of Hux’s tunic. He pressed his cheek to the side of Hux's face, then paused. His free hand moved to Hux’s chin, turning Hux to face him, their noses close enough to nearly touch. He looked ridiculous, his hair hanging around his head to frame his face as he bent above Hux._

_“I just thought of something. Can I try it?”_

_Hux arched his eyebrows. “Can I know what it is first?”_

_Kylo smiled insincerely, showing teeth. “No. But I promise you’ll like it.”_

_Hux huffed through his nose. “That’s ominous. Is that supposed to encourage me?”_

_Kylo moved his hand from Hux’s belt and stood upright, disappearing from Hux’s view. His other hand moved from Hux’s chin to push through his hair, loosening it from the style that Hux hadn’t washed out yet. “You’re the one that’s bored.”_

_Hux rolled his eyes, settling back into the couch. “_ Fine _.”_

_Abruptly, Kylo stretched one leg over the back of the couch, planting a boot on the cushion next to Hux and lifting himself up, then down in front of the couch. He turned to face Hux, grinning._

_Hux let out a dismayed sound. “Must you? You left a bootprint. Where did you even find that much dirt on the floor-”_

_Kylo leaned forward, planting his hands on the back of the couch to frame Hux’s shoulders and give Hux a crushing kiss. Hux made a small noise of protest, but closed his eyes and relaxed his mouth, allowing Kylo’s tongue rough entrance. He could feel Kylo tasting him, stroking the roof of his mouth. Hux kissed back, surprised that Kylo had also cleaned his mouth before he’d come back. He usually didn’t if he was in the mood for sex. Hux wrapped one arm around Kylo’s neck, the other hand going to his waist, and he allowed himself to enjoy the heat of him, the pleasant firmness of his body beneath his hands and the taste of him in his mouth._

_Kylo shifted, crouching to plant his knees on either side of Hux’s legs, and without breaking the kiss he began to undo Hux’s belt and unfasten the front of his tunic. He stopped for breath, exhaling heavily against Hux’s lips as he pulled Hux’s undershirt up and slipped his warm, calloused hands beneath. He stroked up Hux’s sides until he could stroke his thumbs over the sensitive skin of Hux’s nipples, wrapping his big hands around Hux's ribs and squeezing. Hux arched into his touch, leaning forward to kiss Kylo again, using one hand to tuck his hair behind one ear and the other to grip the back of his neck, making a sound of appreciation into his mouth._

_Kylo’s hands moved further up Hux’s chest, bunching the undershirt and pulling at Hux’s suspenders until he had access to Hux’s collarbones. His touch grew gentle again as he stroked lightly along the delicate bones and skin, and he pushed himself up further onto the couch, pushing Hux further back with his chest as he climbed into Hux’s lap._

_Hux’s hands moved down to Kylo’s waist, and he broke the kiss, smirking as he met Kylo's gaze._

_“Your imagination astounds me. Are we going to have sex facing each other today? How unexpected.”_

_Kylo scowled, the scar cutting across his face making the expression more pronounced on his left side. “I don’t know why I bother.”_

_Hux allowed a smile. “I thought you were trying to entertain me.”_

_Kylo’s expression softened as he studied Hux’s face and ran a thumb along his cheek. “I usually do.”_

_He leaned back and hastily removed Hux’s belt, tunic, and undershirt, then pushed the suspenders off Hux’s shoulders and began lavishing attention on his nipples. He used his tongue, lips, and teeth, alternating rough and gentle attentions, switching sides in a way that always pulled a hot line of arousal straight through Hux, making him fully hard beneath Kylo. He shifted up, steadying himself with his legs and sitting up straighter to give Kylo better access to his chest. He also attempted to shift his erection against Kylo’s thigh. He made the appropriate appreciative noises, watching Kylo’s lips and tongue move as he pushed the fingers of one hand through Kylo’s hair, letting the other stray underneath Kylo’s shirt to feel the hot flush of his skin, the ridges of scars along his back and his broad, well-defined muscles. His fingers found the declivity of his spine, and he began stroking up and down._

_Kylo stopped, resting his cheek against Hux’s chest and tilting his head to look up at him, lips slightly parted and reddened. Hux pushed the hair out of his face and admired the expression. Absolute trust and adoration, such a rare thing. On Kylo especially, but also on anyone in Hux’s life._

_There was an ache in Hux’s chest, as there always was when Kylo showed him that. To stop it, he pulled Kylo closer, tighter into his lap. Kylo sat up straighter to accommodate, kissing Hux’s shoulder, turning the kiss into a gentle bite. Hux grinned into his hair as he felt him suck a mark into his skin._

_When he was done, Kylo sat back, examining the mark and rubbing a thumb over it briefly, then glancing up into Hux’s face._

_“May I?”_

_Hux frowned. The politeness sounded wrong coming from Kylo. “What?”_

_“Just say yes.”_

_“Haven’t I already?”_

_Kylo grinned. “You never say yes. I wanted to hear it again.”_

_“Fine. Yes. But don’t push your luck.”_

_“Too late.”_

_Kylo stood and pulled off his boots, and as Hux admired his thighs through the thin fabric of his pants, Kylo unexpectedly lunged forward and scooped him up under his knees and shoulders, then flipped him unceremoniously upside-down on the couch, slumped forward on his shoulders, his knees folded over the back of the couch._

_Hux struggled for balance, feeling the blood rushing to his face. He was unimpressed. “This was your idea?”_

_Kylo had perched himself on the couch, standing on his knees to remove Hux’s boots, gripping his calf as he removed the left. Hux heard the boot hit the floor behind the couch unceremoniously, and he crossed his arms over his bare chest, annoyed, as Kylo laughed softly and thumbed the sole of his foot._

_“Give me a minute. You’ll like it.”_

_Kylo had Hux’s other boot and the rest of his clothing off shortly, so Hux was left naked and upside-down. He pulled his hair loose from its style as he waited, growing less aroused as the process drew itself out, but willing to let Kylo have his way._

_Eventually, Kylo stripped out of his own clothes, crawling back onto the couch naked. Once Kylo had positioned himself, Hux had to admit to being interested in the idea - Kylo straddled his chest with his powerful thighs and calves, then pulled Hux’s legs up further, lining their mouths up with each other’s cocks._

_His erection had flagged as he waited upside-down and angry, but he could feel himself growing hard again as he pushed his nose behind Kylo’s balls. He wrapped his lips around them and sucked gently, using his hands to pull at Kylo’s ass, giving himself more room to breathe. He felt Kylo’s breath hitch as he pushed his face into the crease of Hux’s thigh, his big hands wrapping nearly all the way around Hux’s legs on both sides._

_Hux inhaled the clean, masculine scent as he pulled back, unable to hold back a retort even as he could feel himself growing more excited. “This is less charming than you believe it is. If you think giving you a blowjob upside-down is one of my fantasies, you are a terrible mind-reader.”_

_“You love it.”_

_Hux did, and he hated himself a little for it. He knew Kylo wouldn’t let him hurt himself. And it proved that Kylo might actually be a good mind reader, which was something Hux would always vehemently deny. “I would, if I could find your dick through the forest of your pubic hair.”_

_Hux was offended by how much he enjoyed the sweat that was beginning to collect there. Kylo smelled sharp and sour, a scent he would only catch when Kylo was down to his bare skin, and it inevitably turned Hux on. Hux groaned at the indignity of it, and Kylo chose that moment to messily begin giving him a blowjob, stroking broadly with his tongue before swallowing him, his lips and mouth loose along Hux’s length. Hux twitched at the suddenness of it and at the heat of Kylo’s mouth, which was noticeable no matter where it was on Hux’s body. He could feel the saliva too - Kylo always salivated excessively when he sucked Hux’s dick, and Hux used to complain a lot more about it. Now, it was just part of who he was._

_Overwhelmed, Hux turned his face into Kylo’s thigh and clenched his eyes shut, trying to steady his breathing and not let himself get overwhelmed. It was difficult, when Kylo knew just how the barest touch of his teeth against the underside of Hux’s cock felt to him. He made a muffled noise of resignation, then re-situated himself, squeezing his thighs around Kylo’s head and forcing him to pull him up higher, giving Hux access to Kylo’s cock._

_Not to be outdone, Hux began the job of swallowing Kylo upside-down, finding he enjoyed the angle immensely. It put pressure on a different part of his throat, and was easier to push down. Swallowing Kylo’s cock was something that had taken him years to master. He hadn’t offered reciprocation to previous partners, and Kylo’s cock was… larger than that. He’d grown to like it, and he liked this even better._

_He tightened his mouth and throat, and was rewarded by Kylo moaning noisily around his dick, the vibration making Hux tense and pause as he forced himself back from the edge of orgasm. Kylo ruined the effect by thrusting once into Hux’s mouth, a reaction he’d never been able to control in the heat of the moment. Hux slapped his ass in warning, laying his palm back across the skin to feel the heat of his skin and sucking on Kylo’s dick again._

_After a few long moments, it became clear that this was a battle of concentration, to see who could last the longest before giving in to their own pleasure. Kylo was at a disadvantage, supporting Hux’s weight, with Hux’s thighs over his shoulder. Hux’s thighs were aching, but his hands were free, and he used one to cup Kylo, stroking a finger back, then rubbing a knuckle further back, teasing the tight, firm muscle around Kylo’s hole._

_Kylo moaned again and pulled off Hux’s dick, finally resigning himself to his own pleasure. He was breathing heavily, and turned his face into Hux’s thigh, biting and sucking as Hux continued to swallow his cock._

_Hux pulled back slightly and inhaled, struggling in Kylo’s grip. Kylo only held him tighter. Kylo was a biter, something they’d both come to terms with early on in their relationship. Hux liked the pain of it and enjoyed the involuntary nature of Kylo’s passions, though they occasionally went too far with it. Kylo had once bitten his thigh so deeply that they’d had to go to medical, though not before he’d given Hux a mind-blowing orgasm to make up for the trouble._

_Kylo wrapped his arms more tightly around Hux and supported him by his waist, pulling Hux chest to chest, the heat of Kylo close now, the sweat causing their bare skin to slide together. Hux did his best to hook his legs around the back of Kylo’s neck, though the position was awkward._

_Annoyingly, Kylo had no problem lifting Hux upside-down and supporting him completely, holding him steady as he allowed Hux to guide his hips and the pace of the thrusts into Hux's mouth. Hux would have been more offended if he wasn’t ridiculously aroused by Kylo’s strength and the new position. He moved his hands, gripping Kylo’s ass tighter as he felt it flex, supporting both their weight. Kylo's cock was tight and hard, and Hux could feel him straining for control. Hux was pleased that Kylo was enjoying himself so thoroughly, and knew he needed very little encouragement to orgasm. Kylo was never good at holding himself back. He pressed the tip of his thumb against Kylo’s entrance._

_Kylo groaned, spreading his thighs wider and nearly crushed Hux’s hips in his arms as he came with his cock deep down Hux's throat._

_Unfortunately, the position wasn’t very conducive to swallowing, and Hux began choking on Kylo’s come, noting with displeasure that it was running out his nose. Hux coughed and sputtered, and tried to forget about the indignity of it. Kylo didn’t seem to notice, burying his face into the crack of Hux’s ass and gasping for breath. Hux could feel the muscles of his abdomen trembling from the orgasm and, presumably, the effort of holding Hux up._

_As Hux coughed harder, he slapped ineffectually at Kylo’s thigh, trying to get free. Instead, Kylo shifted Hux lower and began tonguing enthusiastically at his hole. Hux was caught between choking on Kylo’s come and his painfully hard erection - he’d been struggling not to come himself to see if he could push Kylo to it first. But they didn’t try rimming often (Hux had, in fact, never done it to Kylo), and Kylo always managed to surprise him with it. It was always overwhelming. Hux moaned weakly as he tried to struggle with his position, twisting and pushing himself against the back of the couch until Kylo let him turn in his grip. Kylo shifted off the couch and knelt on the floor, supporting Hux by his hips and draping Hux’s legs over his shoulders so his knees pressed into his back. Kylo buried his face in his ass as Hux supported himself against the back of the couch, coughing weakly and trying to clear the last of Kylo’s come from his nose._

_Kylo made the most obscene slurping noises, sucking and licking and generally making an absolute mess of Hux. Hux felt the saliva running down his stomach, and there was little he could do about it as his arms shook from the effort of holding himself up. He wondered how much longer he could last, and whether he’d be able to bring himself to come into the couch cushions._

_Hux moaned aloud as Kylo's tongue probed deeper, and he buried his face into the back of the couch. He was drooling. Kylo was right, and they would need to do this again. Hux was lost to it._

_When Hux made the decision to tell Kylo to stop so they could save the couch, he opened his mouth to speak, only to have Kylo turn him over deftly, lift Hux into a seated position on the back of the couch, then swallow him down to the root. Hux was so shocked he cried out weakly and came into Kylo’s mouth, unable to stop himself. He gripped Kylo’s head between his thighs, and tangled both hands in his hair, closing his eyes and imagining the way Kylo’s lashes rested on his cheeks, the way his lips looked around Hux’s dick._

_When Hux finished, Kylo pulled himself up onto the couch, laying down on his back and pulling Hux on top of him. The couch wasn’t nearly big enough for it, and not long enough for either of them to lay on, but Hux ignored the discomfort, settling himself on top of Kylo’s sweat-slicked and too-hot chest and burying his face in his neck._

_“Entertaining enough for you?” Kylo asked, low and quiet. He sounded amused, and Hux could feel the low vibration of his voice through his chest._

_Though his nose and throat still burned from the poor way he’d handled Kylo’s orgasm, Hux couldn’t suppress his sudden laughter. He shook with it briefly, coughing as he tried to hide it and gain control of his voice enough to give a suitable reply._

_“No,” he insisted. He looked up through the fringe of his hair, trying for a glare and probably landing on something more sleepy and amused. “It was thoroughly boring. You’ll have to try harder next time.”_

_Kylo frowned at him. “There’s really no pleasing you.”_

_Hux hid his face again. “I suppose you would know.”_

* * *

  
Masturbating gave Hux a reason to get up and use the refresher, disgusted by the mess he’d caught in his hand to save his uniform.

Once he’d cleaned himself up, he decided against his usual robe and sleepwear, choosing instead to lounge naked, hoping it would somehow be more relaxing. Kylo did it all the time, and Hux constantly complained about his sweaty ass all over the furniture. Kylo would've enjoyed seeing Hux do it, and spite was another good reason to do it while he was away. At least now he could imagine his own sweaty ass coming before Kylo's the next time Kylo did it.

He collapsed on the couch, stretching out along the length. It was too short, and his feet dangled off the opposite side. It was also horribly firm and uncomfortable. Still, he rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling, disappointed that he was still listless after the attempt to purge his melancholy.

He let his fingers stray into the coolness of the cushions, digging idly into the seam between the back and seat of the couch. If Hux looked hard enough, he was sure he would find crumbs from the salted and spiced vegetable snacks Kylo enjoyed. He was always getting the remnants of the thin fried snacks all over the couch and floor. Watching him tear into a bag while naked and letting the crumbs fall onto his chest and lap was absolutely repulsive. He had a way of doing it unselfconsciously, licking his lips and sucking his fingers clean after he finished, using his tongue and teeth to clean out his fingernails as if he’d never heard of a napkin. It was showy and unnecessary, and after taking all the time to clean his fingers, he would of course immediately brush the remaining crumbs onto the floor, ignoring Hux’s glares. Hux always had droids clean the floor and couch, but he was sure that Kylo’s slovenliness was too much for them.

Sighing, Hux sat up and retrieved his datapad and a bag of Kylo’s snacks, sprawling lazily and indulgently back onto the couch. He turned the room temperature up higher to ensure that he really was sweating into the cushions, then began eating Kylo’s snacks and paging idly through the datapad with his other hand.

He tried doing some reading on the history of Kalee and their conflict with the Huks, but his thoughts kept drifting to the salty tang of the snacks and how he was consuming them much more neatly than Kylo. He sighed, propping himself up further on the arm of the couch and resigning himself to truly wasting the entire evening. He booted up his holoprojector and started watching the first episode of _Io and Lock_ , a drama that he and Kylo had finished several months ago. It was about two clone troopers and their good deeds on remote planets throughout the war. Hux had barely tolerated this show, as the troopers were constantly getting separated from their unit and breaking protocol to interact with local cultures. Kylo had argued incessantly with him, insisting it was the best of the dramas, that Io and Lock were good people doing the right in war. He and Kylo had gotten drunk to watch the last episode, which featured the rest of the unit getting ambushed and killed, stranding Io and Lock on To-Lyra together. Hux had been shocked when Kylo had wept, insisting that the two had each other, and it was the only thing they’d needed the whole time. Hux had pointed out that clone troopers were brothers to one another, and wouldn’t really be in a romantic relationship. Kylo had locked Hux out of the bedroom that night, making him sleep on the uncomfortable couch.

Hux only got through the generic opening and canned musical track before he scowled and turned his face into the couch cushions, smelling Kylo. He impatiently turned the room temperature back down, closing his eyes and letting the dialogue and flashing brightness of the projection wash over him, desperate to let it rob him of his thoughts.

* * *

_Ren’s vision cleared, and he found himself laid out on a table in a tiny cabin he recognized as belonging to one of the smallest types of First Order shuttle. Pain hit him a moment later, along with memory. He’d been shot and captured, and the Huks hadn’t treated the wounds, hadn't even seemed to understand human anatomy. His injuries had become infected, and Ren could feel himself burning with fever. Everything ached. Most of him throbbed with sharp pain. His ribs had been broken, one arm was still dislocated. His pants had been cut away, and bacta patches had been applied to the black, rotting mess of his legs. They were useless, and nothing would save them. Nothing was going to save him, either._

_When he rolled his head to the side, he saw Hux, slumped on a stool and leaning against the wall. A groan would have escaped his throat, but it hurt to breathe, and Ren was too weak._

_He didn’t want Hux here. He didn’t want Hux to see him like this. He didn’t want Hux anywhere near this failure, or to have any part in what happened to him next._

_Hux was wearing white trooper armor, without the helmet and gloves. It was streaked with stains and damage from a hard battle. He’d sustained a blow to the head, his hair was matted with blood, and there was a dry rust-colored trail down his neck. He’d also been shot, and he’d removed part of his armor to give preemptory treatment to a scorched mess on his left side. Blood had dried in a puddle on the floor beneath the stool._

_Ren tried to reach out with the Force to see if he was unconscious or sleeping, but his head was spinning with fever, and he was too confused. He rolled his head back to face the ceiling, the good arm on his right side extended toward Hux._

_He closed his eyes and exhaled, making a small wheezing sound as he did. Hux had come for him. The mission had gone so badly. The Huks had been so much more prepared and well-equipped than usual. There had been so many. Ren and his legion had been overrun trying to defend the Balmo capital city. The Huks had taken Ren, and he’d woken up badly injured in a tiny prison cell. There was a sink and a slot for food next to the bed. He’d needed to concentrate and use the Force to make use of either - his limbs had been useless. The effort had given him something to focus on, as he otherwise had to face watching his wounds go bad and infection take his body. He hadn’t been able to concentrate enough to use the Force in at least a day. No water, no food. For the entirety of his stay in the cell, there had also been no sign of the Huks or any other beings. Ren had finally given up on negotiating, escaping, or begging for treatment._

_Hux had come, then. Ren wondered how many troopers Hux had brought to recover him. How much effort, planning, and trooper casualties had it taken to rescue the destroyed wreck of his body? Useless. There would have been no reason for the First Order to return to the planet once it had been overrun, not to rescue him. It wasn't like he did anything as the Supreme Leader. Why had Hux come? Why had he gone to the surface himself?_

_Ren knew why._

_He forced himself to exhale again, tried to focus on breathing. It hurt, and he managed a groan. He heard Hux stir next to him. He rolled his head to the side again and tried to focus._

_“Ren,” Hux began, voice thick and unclear. “We made it. We’re going back to the_ Finalizer _. You’ll be fine. We’ll both be fine.”_

_Ren tried to lick his lips, but his tongue was too dry. He couldn’t make words, could only manage to open and close his mouth. After a moment, Hux staggered to his feet and went to retrieve a canteen. He unscrewed the lid and held it to Ren’s mouth. Ren let the water trickle slowly over his tongue, his lips, and across the bearded, filthy mess of his cheeks._

_He licked his cracked lips again, and rasped a reply, nearly a whisper. “Were you the one that used the bacta on me?”_

_Hux sank heavily onto the stool again, a hand against his injured side, his eyes on Ren’s face. “Yes. We only have the field dressing on this shuttle. We… had to leave the larger transports on planet. It will be a day before we’re back to the_ Finalizer _, and then we can have your wounds treated. You’ll be fine.”_

_Hux was blinking fast, and his hair was loose and tumbled across his brow. His eyes were unfocused, and he was swaying alarmingly on the stool._

_Ren closed his eyes again. He did not remember being removed from the cell. He had a thousand questions. How many had died? Was anyone else on this shuttle with them? How injured was Hux? Did Hux realize that Ren was dying? Was Hux dying?_

_He struggled to push himself upright with his good arm. His head swam, and he steadied himself through the dizziness and the scorching pain in his other shoulder and his entire body. But he managed to stay upright, and he opened his eyes and looked tiredly over at Hux._

_Hux could barely sit up and was as pale as death, but he somehow had a stubborn look on his face, the manic intensity that he got when faced with a crisis._

_No. Hux believed what he said. Hux thought Ren would be okay._

_Hux was… Hux was wrong. Ren would die very soon. He had come to terms with this. He would be one with the Force. Hux would either die on this shuttle from his wounds, or he would go on without him._

_Terror seized Ren when he thought of the latter. His eyes widened, and his mind cleared. He remembered what he’d been like before he’d become friends with Hux. He remembered what Hux had been like. They’d both been driven by their work, by the big picture, by their fanatical plans._

_But there were no plans these days, post-Starkiller, post-Snoke. They ran patrols around the Outer Rim and kept peace, bided their time. What would have seemed intolerable to their old selves was… peaceful. Fun, maybe._

_But without Hux?_

_No._

_And Ren knew._

_“How many hours until we get there?”_

_Hux nodded distractedly. “Sixteen.”_

_Ren nodded back, his vision swimming. He closed his eyes, willed his mind as clear as he could make it. Put his hand out. Channeled his pain and sickness and pulled on the Dark._

_“You will give yourself a tranquilizer.” Ren opened his eyes._

_Hux’s lids sank nearly closed. “I will give myself a tranquilizer.”_

_“A twenty-four hour dose.”_

_“A twenty-four hour dose,” Hux agreed in a bland voice. He stood, staggered to the medical supply cabinet, and returned to the bedside with the dosing applicator. He removed the armor plates from his left arm, then gave himself a shot in his bicep. His hands were shaking badly, and it took some time before he was steady enough to work the applicator and administer the serum._

_Ren thought further, in his slow, plodding, feverish way. There was only one way this would work, and he couldn’t do it himself. He tried again._

_“Carry me to an escape pod.”_

_Hux stood and grabbed Ren around the shoulders and knees. The pain was too intense, and Ren cried out and lost consciousness before Hux had managed to lift him._

_Somehow, panicked, he struggled awake later, a part of him aware that he needed badly to finish this, fighting against his destroyed body and mind for every second more of thought. He was in the seat of a single-seat escape pod. Hux was kneeling in front of him, on the floor in his white Trooper armor, slumped in his lap. Groggy, but still awake._

_Ren sighed and closed his eyes again. Good. Hux had somehow done it. Just a few minutes more. This would work._

_He struggled to lean forward, ignoring the pain and the darkness encroaching on the edges of his vision. He put his hand around the back of Hux’s head, slid his fingers through the sweaty and blood-matted wreck of Hux’s hair, careful to avoid his head injury._

_He closed his eyes. Tried hard one last time._

_And altered Hux’s memories. He’d promised himself he never would. No matter how insufferable Hux was, no matter what they were fighting about, he promised himself he would never do this._

_It was something he used to do to prisoners and other officers. He was good at it, at taking memories and information and altering minds to suit his needs. It was Dark. But this… this right now. He almost couldn’t do it. He wasn’t in a mindset to pull on the Dark. But he had to. This had to work._

_He took everything about the mission, what they were doing right now, away from Hux. And Hux would always think that Ren was away, soon to return. He would never do anything that would prove otherwise to himself. He would never suspect Ren wasn’t coming back._

_Hux, startled from his drug-induced unconsciousness, stared at him blankly. His eyes went wide in shock, then slowly closed._

_Ren bent down, closed his eyes, and kissed Hux on the forehead. Then, on the lips. Hux didn’t kiss back, and his own lips were a cracked, parched ruin. Ren cursed himself, wishing for a better memory of this, something good to take with him. But this was all he had. At least Hux wouldn’t remember him like this, his skin too hot with fever, his hair matted with sweat and dirt, his ragged beard, the sweet smell of rotting flesh and the clothing he’d been forced to wear while bedbound, soiled and ruined. Defeated by fucking Huks, of all things._

_It was becoming hard to think again. His head was spinning, he was shivering, his muscles were contracting painfully around his injuries. He struggled, shifting through his own memories as well as Hux's for the last time they’d seen each other before this._

_They had argued before the mission. Hux didn’t think Ren would need a whole legion to combat the Huks. They were never able to defeat even twenty troopers, let alone one hundred. Ren had argued that they had 20,000 Troopers aboard the_ Finalizer _that did nothing, and he would take as many as he wanted._

_It wasn’t a real argument, they were both just being contrary. Hux had seen him off, standing in the hangar and looking severe in his full greatcoat and cap. He almost never wore those anymore, nor did he often go to the hangar when Ren was departing. But this time, Ren had been intending to stay behind on the planet to try and reorganize the Balmo’s shattered supply lines, and would be gone longer than usual. Ren had been happy to see him. He always missed Hux when he was away on missions._

_As he boarded the ramp, Hux had saluted him, as had all the officers and technicians in the hangar. Ren always hated that kind of unnecessary pageantry, which is why Hux did it. But Hux always looked good doing it, everything about him sharp and clean and perfect._

_That was a good memory, then._

_Maybe all this effort was unnecessary. Hux might succumb to his injuries within hours. Either Hux would join him and become one with the Force, or he would live, and not know that Ren wasn’t coming back. Both were acceptable._

_Ren forced his mind clear and still, using every ounce of his will to do it. All the control he’d learned from his uncle, and all the power he’d been able to draw from his pain and anger he brought to bear on simply stilling his thoughts. It was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do._

_He opened his eyes one last time._

_“Go back to the shuttle. Leave the escape pod.”_

_Hux didn’t stand, instead dragging himself on his hands and knees from the escape pod._

_Ren watched him go, then used his good arm to punch the jettison release. He closed his eyes without bothering to program a destination._

* * *

Hux resigned himself to not accomplishing anything else during his off shift. Defeated, he took the holoprojector to bed with him. He switched the program to _Canto Bight Nights_ , a lurid program that featured different types of aliens dating in each season. The xeno species were frequently incompatible culturally, and would often sting, slap, insult, punch, and wrestle each other in unscripted brawls that never failed to delight Kylo. It was so trashy. Hux always mocked Kylo when he inevitably teared up at the end of the season, when the true love angle was played up to a ridiculous degree. Kylo was soft, and Hux never let him forget it.

He fell asleep with the holoprojector flickering above his bed, his arm outstretched to the cold and empty left side.

Four more days. Kylo would be back in four more days.


End file.
